I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Are we still banned from the library?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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