You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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