she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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