I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
