I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
