I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I sprained my soul last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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