Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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