so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
