I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
