Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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