I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
