My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
