Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
