Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
