Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
