so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
