This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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