evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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