I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize