Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
