I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
