she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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