so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
