Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
