I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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