I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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