I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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