is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
