My cat gives me a boner
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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