drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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