Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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