I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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