I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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