Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
