I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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