I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
