Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
