from now on my penis is your penis
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
