i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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