You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
