Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
