I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
