Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
