Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
