this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
