Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
