I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
