I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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