I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
