im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
