need another drink. this is the easiest way
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she smelled like a LAN party
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
