..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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