bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
