In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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