paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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