John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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