this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You ruined the universe
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
