Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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