i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
