i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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