did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
