remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize