Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
