Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
