ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize