Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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