you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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