Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
