literally had 100 drinks last night.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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