The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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