Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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