Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
