How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize