Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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