Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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