I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone came in the potted fern
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
