i just had sex bonerless
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
