he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
