So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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