They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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