so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
